It’s easy to fall into past cycles, former ways of coping with these feelings, but I’ve come too far to spiral into an obsessive, worrisome fit of panic and stream of intrusive thoughts that will likely manifest into physical symptoms and pattern of googling. I won’t do it, even though part of me wants to. Continue reading “When I woke up this morning, I was feeling pretty good. That was about two hours ago. Now, I can’t stop the tears from flowing as the anxiety creeps into my stomach, clamps down, and pulls at it as if trying to either rip it apart or fold and layer it on top of itself.”
Tag Archives: anxiety
Connecting the Dots
It’s been a while since my last post and I know why. Well, there are at least two reasons: #1: I relapsed and I am embarrassed and #2: I feel like I keep repeating myself and not changing. So, in an attempt to make a change, I’m writing even though I feel like a failure.Continue reading “Connecting the Dots”
You Seem Fine
“You seem fine. I mean, I would never know you have such bad anxiety. You seem okay.” “I am fine. I mean, I am okay. But, I suffer from obsessive, intrusive thoughts. I worry all the time. I can’t seem to get out of my own way no matter how hard I try. I haveContinue reading “You Seem Fine”
Couldn’t Refresh Feed
I sit down with my morning coffee to enjoy a few moments of quiet and check my notifications on Facebook. Today is going to be hectic, so I want to take some time to be alone, update my page, take a few deep breaths, and ground myself. I already feel the anxiety starting to surface.Continue reading “Couldn’t Refresh Feed”
It’s a Lifestyle
Today marks 58 days of my recovery from Binge Eating Disorder. 58 days of not bingeing, of not turning to food for consolation, for comfort, or for familiarity. 58 days of feeling my emotions, of actually facing and sitting with the anxiety that surfaces when I’m not using donuts and chips to stuff it backContinue reading “It’s a Lifestyle”
Enough
It’s hard to explain what it feels like to be overcome with anxiety in any given moment, especially to someone who has never experienced it. In the moment, an intense fear overcomes me, paralyzes me, consumes me, and I become somewhat unable to function. It’s like I’m half-awake and dreaming, knowing I’m in a dreamContinue reading “Enough”
Things I Worry About
I’ve been overweight since the fifth grade. That’s 36 years of yo-yo dieting, binge eating, feeling insecure, and worrying about my weight. 36 years of not doing the things I want to do or trying the things I’ve always wanted to try. 36 years of being afraid to be who I am, of being afraidContinue reading “Things I Worry About”
A Day in the Life
Today, I am shattered glass spread across the floor in so many pieces that my original form is unrecognizable. I am broken without the possibility of repair. Today, life is hopeless, barren, and suffocating. There is no possible end that will satisfy me. I can’t see a path that gets me where I want toContinue reading “A Day in the Life”
I Am More
I have experienced so many conflicting emotions over the past few weeks and my current situation is making me very anxious and overwhelmed. There’s so much going on that, unfortunately, I can’t get the professional treatment I need right now to address the eating disorder. So, here I am feeling heavy, gross, and just downrightContinue reading “I Am More”
On Being Too Good
Do you think someone can be too good? My husband has told me on several different occasions that he thinks I’m just too good, too good to other people, too nice. I remember being a little taken aback the first time he said it to me and I laughed it off and replied, “How couldContinue reading “On Being Too Good”
Overweight, Anxious, and Done 