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When I woke up this morning, I was feeling pretty good. That was about two hours ago. Now, I can’t stop the tears from flowing as the anxiety creeps into my stomach, clamps down, and pulls at it as if trying to either rip it apart or fold and layer it on top of itself.
It’s easy to fall into past cycles, former ways of coping with these feelings, but I’ve come too far to spiral into an obsessive, worrisome fit of panic and stream of intrusive thoughts that will likely manifest into physical symptoms and pattern of googling. I won’t do it, even though part of me wants to. …
Connecting the Dots
It’s been a while since my last post and I know why. Well, there are at least two reasons: #1: I relapsed and I am embarrassed and #2: I feel like I keep repeating myself and not changing. So, in an attempt to make a change, I’m writing even though I feel like a failure.…
Do Something Differently
As we begin a new year, I reflect on the past one and anticipate the one ahead. What can I do differently this year to live the life I dream of? This is a familiar place, one I’ve visited many times before, one I’ve committed to living in and making my new home. But, the…
You Seem Fine
“You seem fine. I mean, I would never know you have such bad anxiety. You seem okay.” “I am fine. I mean, I am okay. But, I suffer from obsessive, intrusive thoughts. I worry all the time. I can’t seem to get out of my own way no matter how hard I try. I have…
Couldn’t Refresh Feed
I sit down with my morning coffee to enjoy a few moments of quiet and check my notifications on Facebook. Today is going to be hectic, so I want to take some time to be alone, update my page, take a few deep breaths, and ground myself. I already feel the anxiety starting to surface.…
It’s a Lifestyle
Today marks 58 days of my recovery from Binge Eating Disorder. 58 days of not bingeing, of not turning to food for consolation, for comfort, or for familiarity. 58 days of feeling my emotions, of actually facing and sitting with the anxiety that surfaces when I’m not using donuts and chips to stuff it back…
Overweight, Anxious, and Done 