overweightanxiousanddone

On Being Too Good

Do you think someone can be too good? My husband has told me on several different occasions that he thinks I’m just too good, too good to other people, too nice. I remember being a little taken aback the first time he said it to me and I laughed it off and replied, “How couldContinue reading “On Being Too Good”

I Deserve Better

84 days. Almost three months of not bingeing. I thought I’d be down at least twenty-five pounds by now. I thought when I stopped bingeing that the weight would fall off with minimal effort from me in other areas. I thought all I had to do was stop the binges and that I would magicallyContinue reading “I Deserve Better”

My Plan to Beat a Panic Attack

It’s only been happening at night. For the past few days, around 6 or 7pm, my chest starts to feel heavy, I feel like I can’t breathe, and my body begins to go numb. My mind immediately tells me I am either having a stroke or a heart attack. I announce to my husband thatContinue reading “My Plan to Beat a Panic Attack”

Everyday Body

49 days. It seems like such a long time when I count the actual days, but realistically it’s only about a month and half. Still, 49 days without a binge, without concealing food and stuffing it down my throat in private, is a big thing. And I’m proud of myself. Every day I battle withContinue reading “Everyday Body”

The Diet Mentality

Breaking free from the diet mentality is hard. Here I am, the day after Easter and not even a week after we buried my grandmother. My whole life feels out of control. I feel lost, alone, and overwhelmed. One thing I’m sure of right now is that I want to lose weight. I contemplate gettingContinue reading “The Diet Mentality”

Just A Symptom

I first started Weight Watchers when I was sixteen years old. I wanted to lose about thirty pounds. I lost that weight easily and quickly and felt beautiful, sexy, and healthy. I swore by that program, as it worked for me. It changed my life. Twenty-nine years later, I still have the WW app onContinue reading “Just A Symptom”

“Just” Anxiety

“It’s just anxiety. Relax. It’s not like you have a real problem.” “Anxiety isn’t a medical condition.” “People should not be able to have a service dog for anxiety. Service dogs are for people who have actual medical conditions.” They don’t even attempt to conceal the eye rolls, the condescending smirks, or the ignorant commentsContinue reading ““Just” Anxiety”

Today

As I stare at this blank page, I realize I can either choose to fear the unknown, the vast uncertainty that lies ahead, or I can embrace the excitement that the unknown brings with it. I can choose to get overwhelmed as I stare at the blank page wondering what I am going to writeContinue reading “Today”

On Being an Addict

I’m an addict. I lie about my addiction to others and I make promise after promise that I will stop. I want to stop so desperately that each time I come down from a high, I say it will be my last. But, I can’t and it isn’t. I have the tools I need andContinue reading “On Being an Addict”

What If?

I hate being alone. I don’t feel safe. What if I pass out from the dizziness and no one is here? What if the headache really is a blood clot this time and no one is here to call an ambulance? What if the soreness in my neck and jaw and numbness down my armsContinue reading “What If?”